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We discovered until then to be this independent, outgoing girl with an “optimistic character,” fixing problems by myself without relying on my man that I might have forced myself. Perhaps I experienced been wanting to show one thing, in this culture where individuals anticipate girls become submissive and quiet.

It’s been 2 yrs since our relationship ended. I wish I could say my understanding brought me freedom that is complete sex norms or objectives of others, nonetheless it didn’t. We had doubts about whether I became sufficient a gf to him given that I happened to be thinking about remaining an outbound, separate girl. The greater we mentioned our future, the greater afraid we became that i would never be their perfect life partner. I continued worrying all about whether i possibly could satisfy their buddies or moms and dads’ expectations of a “good girl.”

My worries are not the only explanation we parted methods, however they were undoubtedly an issue.

Dating him, as well as others before that, has permitted us to see my self-contradictions and insecurities. I will be self-conscious of my independence and womanhood. I will be high in contradictory desires, attempting to be my personal self, whatever which may be, but additionally planning to satisfy South Korean society’s criteria on what a appropriate girl should be. All of the social people i have actually met in school, at workplaces, also at home have actually affected me personally. It dawns on me personally that my battle isn’t pretty much fighting South Korean men’s expectations of exactly how females need to behave. I discovered that i must fight my very own objectives for myself, too.

I’m nevertheless learning on how to balance society’s demands on females and my interior traits. But, now i am aware we don’t need certainly to suppress my ‘girlish’ impulses in wanting to be a woman that is independent. It’s Valentine’s Day, and I also have always been enjoying making chocolate on my personal. We no more categorize this activity being a womanly task. It is simply a spare time activity, that is all. I also notice that alleged girlish habits like aegyo and naesung aren’t the preserve of females. Guys may do these plain things equally well as ladies.

The revelations to my component may be uncomfortable for a few Southern Koreans to keep. (they may state chocolate that is making a woman’s pastime and males never do aegyo or naesung.) But i need to thank the South men that are korean have dated — also those individuals who have been therefore critical of me — for leading me personally down this course of self-discovery. And I also look ahead to fulfilling the man that is next may help me find out about whom I truly have always been.